Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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