it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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