Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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