and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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