Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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