I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
