i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
