finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
