my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
