I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
