I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
