I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
