I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
