Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
