You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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