you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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