the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
