yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
