Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
