She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
