I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
