Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
3 2 1 whiskey
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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