Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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