You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
