I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
