Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
