On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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