I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
