the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
