oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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