the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
