People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
