He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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