is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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