Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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