census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
