the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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