It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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