Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
