i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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