a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
