i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
