the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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