youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
