so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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