ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
