I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
