It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
