In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
