I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
