Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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