I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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