K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
