speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
