ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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